A Neat God Story

God took my breath away today and I wanted to tell about it.

At college here my “home church” is Sojourners Mennonite Fellowship, “Menno” for short. We’ve been meeting in a store front, and the church has been meeting there since it started almost 10 years ago. However recently, the leadership of the church were made aware of a storefront at the end of  our block that was for sale. The guy that owns it lives on the west coast and was a former student of our pastor. The storefront for sale includes the whole building section, both floors and garages included. The building listed for $120,000 three years ago when it was put on the market…but this county is an impoverished one with the sole exception from poverty being the college, so  there’s no way that anyone around here would buy this storefront anytime in the then-foreseeable future. 

However, the church leadership decided to go out on a limb and see what God would do with their step of courage: they bid $50,000 on the building, leaving themselves another $25,000 for negotiating room. The owner accepted their [$50,000 on a $120,000 building] bid on the spot. Then God decided to knock our socks off- an anonymous donor gave the church the $50,000 dollars to pay for the building in one payment! 

And!! The building has two floors and upstairs there are many many rooms, enough for Sunday School rooms and a nursery and the toy library (same concept as a book library just with toys, it is for the families in the community that have trouble affording food, let alone toys for their children)! Downstairs there is (or will be) a worship space once we knock out some of the temporary walls, and there is a small room for a church office (this church has never had one before!) and also there are plans underway for an adjoining dental clinic to serve those in the community who can’t afford rising health costs, served by a dentist in our own small congregation!

There is still an enormous amount of work to do on the majorly unfinished building- many of my (and many others’) Saturday afternoons this semester will go for sledgehammering down walls, ripping up old carpet, and repainting rooms and stairs- but its not nearly as daunting as it logically should feel because the hand of God is so obviously in this, blessing it every step of the way. And it’s all happened so quickly…it’s one of those situations where there’s a whirlwind of activity over which you have no control and at the end, you’re sitting trying to catch your breath, saying, “What on earth just happened, Lord?!?”…and He gives you this crazy peace about something that seems too big for you and too much for you to handle by yourself. 

I think though that He likes giving us the gift of impossible situations…its one of His ways of showing us how incredibly He loves us and how He can do anything in our lives if we give Him our will and our desire to do things ourselves; when we are weakest and have nothing to give is when He shows how He’ll always come through- showing His strength through you, turning your impossible situation into a breathlessly joyful miracle, whether great or small. 

So that’s my good news and I’m quite excited! Feel free too to share this as both a praise and encouragement, and as an ongoing prayer request as one part of the Church for another. 

Love to all, and God bless.  =)

Musings

While a huge part of me loves learning to live on my own and becoming an independent adult…there will always be a part of me that remembers with great fondness the days when I could run and get a hug from Mom anytime; when my nightly routine included dancing with Dad on his feet to Beauty and the Beast; when my biggest decisions were how many mud pies to make that day with Dave and Riss in the front yard.

Here’s to growing up and the heartaches and joys that go with it.

I love living.

I was sauntering across campus this morning, delighting in the warmth of the sun on my back and in the way that the wind gently tousled my hair. The birds sang perkily while I watched my friends stroll around the quad, reveling in the morning as much as I. As I paused on the sidewalk to try to impress upon my memory the loveliness of the morning, a thought came to me as softly as the breeze playing with the edges of my clothes. It occurred to me that I love living.

This isn’t to say at all that I would want to not be living or something like  that. Rather, the essence of living gives me joy. Many people go through their weeks and months and years in such a way that their days consist of being harried and trying to simply make it through the day and the day’s work in order to go back to bed for a few hours before getting up to repeat the process. (I had one of those days yesterday.) It’s so easy to get wrapped up in surviving each day’s problems that one lets that absorb the whole of their thoughts and energy. This isn’t living, though, not really. This is only existing.

Some could argue with me here that living is simply to be breathing, for one’s heart to be pumping blood so that one is conscious  and functioning. To me though this sounds very similar to Merriam-Webster’s definition of ‘exist’: “to continue to be.” In strong vibrant contrast however, Merriam Webster defines ‘live’ seemingly redundantly as “to be alive.” Alive! What a glorious and intriguing word. It’s a word that we think about maybe once a year (Easter) then ponder it very little the remainder of the year.

To be alive, to live fully, is to be able to find something every day that humbles you and challenges you. To live is to not feel like your day is complete until you search out and find something beautiful. To live is to savor and cherish those moments that bring you to life inside, knowing that we only have so many of these moments. To live is to remember once in a while that it’s quite ok to act like a kid sometimes because it’s no fun to be completely grown up. To live is to feel the joy that comes from reaching out to someone when you’re having a really rough time and giving of yourself even when you feel there’s nothing left to give.

To live is to have a constant peaceful discontent with the level of our relationship with God- to always be seeking out a deeper relationship with and knowledge of Christ.   To live is to purposefully expand your comfort zone- knowing that everything you can’t do through your own strength- He can. To live is to walk outside on a cloudless night and look up, seeing the multitude of stars and having the realization hit you that you are so infinitely tiny and powerless….to live- is to then sit down and ponder in awe the greatness of the love that the Father has for us even small and insignificant as we are.

Right now, I sit in the music building trying not to think about the very intimidating day in store for me tomorrow. For me, over the next two weeks of craziness and finals and juries, to live will be to wake up each morning and try to genuinely thank God for each day no matter what it holds. To live will be to look at my finals and juries and give my all over and over, knowing that where my strength runs out, then am I really strong in Him. To live will be to remember that as much as there are parts of some days that I detest, there are so many more moments that I love and look forward to.

Fully living will have some of those moments like this morning, where I will just pause and look around…I’ll watch and smile at my friends, laughing at some of their antics, knowing that the life I’m making with them here now is something that makes me feel alive. I’ll quickly pray silently and thank the Lord for the gifts He has given me in their friendship and their love and in the memories we’ve made together……then I’ll smile, turn around, and go back to work, not merely existing but in His grace being more and becoming more.

I love living.

 

You Can Have Me

If I saw You on the street
And You said come and follow me
But I had to give up everything
All I once held dear and all of my dreams

Would I love You enough to let go
Or would my love run dry
When You asked for my life

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me

If You’re all You claim to be
Then I’m not losing anything
So I will crawl upon my knees
Just to know the joy of suffering

I will love You enough to let go
Lord, I give you my life
I give you my life

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me

I want to be where You are
I’m running into Your arms
And I will never look back
So Jesus, here is my heart

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me

My Father, my Love-
You can have me.

-Sidewalk Prophets © 2009

Restless

Restless
Unquiet
Not a discontent
But my heart is roaming
Searching

I haven’t lost my purpose
Just misplaced it
Can’t quite seem to find it
I used to have it
Must be here someplace

Pat answers only go
so far
so far

I want to run away
Perhaps by pursuing peace
I can find it
If only I can run after it fast enough

Who am I
why am I doing what I do
Why can’t I feel

I want to feel
Something
I want to stop being
empty. Like an abandoned glass of water.

Where are You
I’m so far and can’t find the way back
I know You have to be there
I want to see You
Eliminate the emptiness

If I Could

If I could, I would wave my magic wand

And there beside the dock would be a boat

A beautiful green and white sailboat

I could sail away.

 

If I could, I’d make the morning come

The sun shyly peaking up over the far meeting of sky and sea

Gently bathing the sky with light

I’d raise my arms in quietly blissful greeting of the new day.

 

If I could, I’d make everything still

Nothing would exist but the soft sound of the waves

Gently lapping the sides of my sailboat

As the breeze runs its fingers lightly through my hair.

 

If I could, I’d climb into my sailboat

My feet leaving the ground behind

Without a backward glance

I’d be away, turning my boat into the wind.

 

My sailboat would soar across the glassy water

Skimming the surface of the sea as we flew

I would reach down with my hand and dip into the clear waters

Then reach up to touch the sky, water droplets cascading from my hand.

 

*

If I could, I would wave my magic wand

Green and white, my slender sailboat would be

And there it would wait, wait for me to come aboard at last.

If I could, I would sail away.

 

Total Honesty: A Way Out of Compromise.

Romance is so important to our culture. It’s emphasized almost constantly, and so much of so many people’s time is spent discussing who has a crush on whom, the newest couple, the most heart-wrenching breakup. Everyone seems to want to be in love, and at times one can be so focused on the idea being in love that one will enter a relationship with someone just to have that idea fulfilled, to have the stability and sense of security that a relationship can provide.

Dating seems to be one of the most common avenues of pursuing an interest in someone, and this is evident in so many ways; from the Facebook-enabled stalking of “relationship statuses” to the way that you’re thought of differently if you’re not in a relationship or at least not interested in anyone to the way that the little old ladies at your home church ask every time you come home whether you’ve met that “special someone” yet, society at large seems to have little better to do than emphasize the apparently universal need for romantic relationships and the deficit existing in your life without one.

I have tried to stay away from this mindset and have succeeded somewhat in that I don’t view others any differently based on their relationship status. And occasionally I try to convince myself that I don’t think this way at all…but I am a hopeless romantic at heart and therefore sometimes- a lot of the time- find myself thinking about romance and relationships and how they fit together and how it’ll fit into my life. Recently, I’ve found myself being drawn to and attracted to a few guys and I have such fun with it but when I’m honest with myself, I’m afraid of my motives because they’re all wrong for anything more than a short-lived “fling”; and I think I’m mostly afraid that these feelings that I think I have now are just something my brain invented to help me get over the dissolving of a dear friendship. There are so many really good things that I look for- I really enjoy having someone to look for at lunch, someone who will want to hear all about my day, who will hug me and hold me when I’m sad or when I just need a comforting embrace. I want the security of a relationship, the knowing that I have someone to fall back on, someone who confides in me in return. I want someone with whom I’m comfortable, someone with whom I can easily talk, someone whom I can respect who respects me also. I want him to be funny, brave, kind, thoughtful, gentle.

But for me, especially as a Christian, it should be about so much more in addition to the above-mentioned characteristics. I want someone who challenges me in Christ, someone who delights in taking me back to the cross when I have a problem or am discouraged. I want someone who doesn’t just like God, someone who doesn’t just love God, but someone who is passionate about God and learning about Him and telling others about Him and serving others to show them His love. I want a servant’s heart that reminds me of Christ. I really want someone who values purity as a cornerstone of their walk with Christ, evidenced in their behavior and speech. More than anything- I need someone who loves God so much that they will never love me more than they love Him. That means so much to me. And too often I find myself being almost willing to overlook these essential (to me) qualities in the name of having feelings for someone or pursuing a relationship with someone.

I’ve really been struggling with this the past few weeks and had felt at a dead end of sorts in figuring out what to think and feel. But God always know when we’re going through those times and sends some bit of encouragement and exhortation our way. The most recent shower devo really resonated with me and made me pause and reflect:

“My soul waits for the Lord

More than watchmen wait for the morning

More than watchmen wait for the morning.”  ~Psalm 130:6

By this point in the semester our Houghton men have brought the dorm flowers, serenaded us, held doors, struck up friendly conversations, and invested in friendship with us. With all that chivalry going on, it’s only too easy to find ourselves daydreaming about that certain someone we have a crush on while we’re supposed to be completing an assignment or studying for an exam. I’ve been there many times. To be completely honest, over the past couple of years I’ve struggled with setting up the possibility of a relationship as an idol in my life.

…God’s been renewing my thinking about this a great deal. The verse from Psalm 130 above helped me to gain fresh perspective. I had to ask myself, “What am I most looking forward to?” Unfortunately, the answer wasn’t God. I was waiting for God to do something, namely to bring the right man into my life. Sad, huh? Needless to say, that’s not how it’s supposed to be. The psalmist is craving God’s presence like a watchman who has stayed awake all night waiting for the appearance of the sun. I want to be anticipating God that strongly, but I can’t if I’m looking forward to something else even more. The awesome part is that while my future husband will turn up someday, God has promised to be here with me today. I’ve failed Him time and again, “But He gives more grace” (James 4:6).

I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m not alone in this struggle. Maybe for you it’s something else that you sometimes allow to steal the devotion that belongs only to God. I’ve found prayer to be the best cure for my wrong thinking. Prayer is designed to bring our heart in line with God’s. When I pray…it’s a way of placing the situation in God’s hands. Waiting for the Lord and building up our brothers in Christ in His love is so much healthier than daydreaming about relationships that might be wrong for us and the other person. …God asks for purity in our hearts and lives because He loves us and knows what’s best. …We can trust in God’s perfect timing and plan. God knows how to give good gifts to His children- but He can’t do the work He wants to do in us when we’ve ranked the gift about the Gift Giver in our hearts.”

(courtesy of Mary Beth.)

So in a rather abrupt conclusion to this train of thoughts, I think that it’s right for me to pursue God and my passion for learning about Him. I’ll let Him show me what and who is right, because my compromising to get what feels right to me won’t be God’s best. It’s so hard not to compromise when part of my heart wants to be with someone so much….but the Gift Giver has such a better plan than what I think I know. So I think I’ll leave this in His hands and rest in the peace that He gives.  =)

Learning the Lesson of Transparency

 

 

I am brave

I am kind

I am gentle

I am passionate

I have big dreams

I am eager to please

I am slow to anger

I put my whole heart into everything

I am unsure

 

I am vulnerable

I am imperfect

I am insecure

I have flaws- and many of them.

I am stubborn

I am selfish

I am headstrong and willful

I have been broken- but I’ve been put back together.

I have hurt- but I’ve been forgiven.

I have learned to hide- but I’ve learned that being genuine is  infinitely better.

I have bet and lost- and learned instead to live life instead of just exist in it.

 

 

I am beautiful

I am special

I am worth spending time with

I am worth being friends with

I have value

I am my own person- not just an extension of someone else

I am loved

I am wanted

I am loved.

“Jesus cares.
You have never been unloved.
He understands.
He’ll hold you til all your tears are spent.
He really wants to talk to you. He really wants to listen to you.
He’ll be your Everything if you let Him.
He thinks you’re special.
He’ll always be there for you.
He’s getting you ready for something wonderful.
He’ll never betray you.
He sends others to comfort you.
He loves you.
He always provides.”

 

Home

I’m so happy here. It’s been an insane two weeks but I’ve made it and I’ve had a blast while doing it. I have a family up here who loves me and won’t let me go. I don’t know whether I expected to find that anywhere but home. But then again, home is where the heart is, right? So I have many homes, with many people. Being home, with people you love -wherever that is- is what enables one to have rest, which is in turn what makes it possible to get through weeks as crazy as this one. But I’ve found a way to always be at rest, even on the busiest of days- My Hope and my Home is found in Christ, and when I rest in Him, He carries me through. No matter what.

20 Ways to Show Respect

1. Do not talk down to him or her.
2. Do not talk badly of him or her to others.
3. Do not check behind him or her to make sure he or she did something to your standards.
4. Do not disregard his or her wishes.
5. Do not ignore his or her requests.
6. Do not laugh at his or her mistakes.
7. Do not make him or her the brunt of your jokes.
8. Do not compare him or her to others.
9. Do not speak sarcastically or with verbal jabs.
10. Do not roll your eyes when he or she makes a comment you do not agree with.
11. Do not continually “have a better idea.”
12. Do talk to him or her in a pleasant tone.
13. Do speak highly of or compliment him or her in front of others.
14. Do allow him or her to do tasks his own way and then thank him or her when he is finished.
15. Do value his or her opinions.
16. Do try to fulfill his or her requests.
17. Do try to support his or her decisions….
18…. regardless of the outcome.
19. Do avoid the words “I told you so.”
20. Do tell him or her you are proud of him or her.