Romance is so important to our culture. It’s emphasized almost constantly, and so much of so many people’s time is spent discussing who has a crush on whom, the newest couple, the most heart-wrenching breakup. Everyone seems to want to be in love, and at times one can be so focused on the idea being in love that one will enter a relationship with someone just to have that idea fulfilled, to have the stability and sense of security that a relationship can provide.
Dating seems to be one of the most common avenues of pursuing an interest in someone, and this is evident in so many ways; from the Facebook-enabled stalking of “relationship statuses” to the way that you’re thought of differently if you’re not in a relationship or at least not interested in anyone to the way that the little old ladies at your home church ask every time you come home whether you’ve met that “special someone” yet, society at large seems to have little better to do than emphasize the apparently universal need for romantic relationships and the deficit existing in your life without one.
I have tried to stay away from this mindset and have succeeded somewhat in that I don’t view others any differently based on their relationship status. And occasionally I try to convince myself that I don’t think this way at all…but I am a hopeless romantic at heart and therefore sometimes- a lot of the time- find myself thinking about romance and relationships and how they fit together and how it’ll fit into my life. Recently, I’ve found myself being drawn to and attracted to a few guys and I have such fun with it but when I’m honest with myself, I’m afraid of my motives because they’re all wrong for anything more than a short-lived “fling”; and I think I’m mostly afraid that these feelings that I think I have now are just something my brain invented to help me get over the dissolving of a dear friendship. There are so many really good things that I look for- I really enjoy having someone to look for at lunch, someone who will want to hear all about my day, who will hug me and hold me when I’m sad or when I just need a comforting embrace. I want the security of a relationship, the knowing that I have someone to fall back on, someone who confides in me in return. I want someone with whom I’m comfortable, someone with whom I can easily talk, someone whom I can respect who respects me also. I want him to be funny, brave, kind, thoughtful, gentle.
But for me, especially as a Christian, it should be about so much more in addition to the above-mentioned characteristics. I want someone who challenges me in Christ, someone who delights in taking me back to the cross when I have a problem or am discouraged. I want someone who doesn’t just like God, someone who doesn’t just love God, but someone who is passionate about God and learning about Him and telling others about Him and serving others to show them His love. I want a servant’s heart that reminds me of Christ. I really want someone who values purity as a cornerstone of their walk with Christ, evidenced in their behavior and speech. More than anything- I need someone who loves God so much that they will never love me more than they love Him. That means so much to me. And too often I find myself being almost willing to overlook these essential (to me) qualities in the name of having feelings for someone or pursuing a relationship with someone.
I’ve really been struggling with this the past few weeks and had felt at a dead end of sorts in figuring out what to think and feel. But God always know when we’re going through those times and sends some bit of encouragement and exhortation our way. The most recent shower devo really resonated with me and made me pause and reflect:
“My soul waits for the Lord
More than watchmen wait for the morning
More than watchmen wait for the morning.” ~Psalm 130:6
By this point in the semester our Houghton men have brought the dorm flowers, serenaded us, held doors, struck up friendly conversations, and invested in friendship with us. With all that chivalry going on, it’s only too easy to find ourselves daydreaming about that certain someone we have a crush on while we’re supposed to be completing an assignment or studying for an exam. I’ve been there many times. To be completely honest, over the past couple of years I’ve struggled with setting up the possibility of a relationship as an idol in my life.
…God’s been renewing my thinking about this a great deal. The verse from Psalm 130 above helped me to gain fresh perspective. I had to ask myself, “What am I most looking forward to?” Unfortunately, the answer wasn’t God. I was waiting for God to do something, namely to bring the right man into my life. Sad, huh? Needless to say, that’s not how it’s supposed to be. The psalmist is craving God’s presence like a watchman who has stayed awake all night waiting for the appearance of the sun. I want to be anticipating God that strongly, but I can’t if I’m looking forward to something else even more. The awesome part is that while my future husband will turn up someday, God has promised to be here with me today. I’ve failed Him time and again, “But He gives more grace” (James 4:6).
I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m not alone in this struggle. Maybe for you it’s something else that you sometimes allow to steal the devotion that belongs only to God. I’ve found prayer to be the best cure for my wrong thinking. Prayer is designed to bring our heart in line with God’s. When I pray…it’s a way of placing the situation in God’s hands. Waiting for the Lord and building up our brothers in Christ in His love is so much healthier than daydreaming about relationships that might be wrong for us and the other person. …God asks for purity in our hearts and lives because He loves us and knows what’s best. …We can trust in God’s perfect timing and plan. God knows how to give good gifts to His children- but He can’t do the work He wants to do in us when we’ve ranked the gift about the Gift Giver in our hearts.”
(courtesy of Mary Beth.)
So in a rather abrupt conclusion to this train of thoughts, I think that it’s right for me to pursue God and my passion for learning about Him. I’ll let Him show me what and who is right, because my compromising to get what feels right to me won’t be God’s best. It’s so hard not to compromise when part of my heart wants to be with someone so much….but the Gift Giver has such a better plan than what I think I know. So I think I’ll leave this in His hands and rest in the peace that He gives. =)
